What Ritual Can We Create When Our Pet Dies?

The grief that ensues after the loss of a pet can be as much or more than the loss of a human companion. There is less societal support or tolerance for this level of grief.

There isn’t a customary ritual like one that exists in Chrisitanity to support the dying and the death of a pet. Some of us aren’t familiar with any ritual process to mourn the death of human or pet. These rituals have a purpose in supporting us in our grief process.

In early Christian times mid first century, the living would gather around the dying to pray, to support the immediate family. The priest would come and anoint the sick to ready the soul for transition to the next world. When death occurred, the body would be made ready for internment. The community would gather to escort the body to the cemetery, the body would be laid in the ground. The mourners would then leave the world of the dead, the cemetery, and return to the world of the living. There were places where each would exist. Living, dead and spiritual. This made the transition easier with a kind of knowing what to do, what to expect and a belief in what happened after death. The ritual was part of the grieving process and led to healing.

In my experience with family funerals, we gathered together at the wake, at the funeral, at the grave and afterwards at a luncheon. We remembered the deceased, the impact and effect they had on us, we shared memories, we supported each other through the tears. We found comfort in the prayers, the mass, the condolences, the flowers. We were able to say good-by together; family, friends, co-workers, neighbors.

With pets we don’t have that ritual. We don’t know what to do. There isn’t a religious or cultural ritual for them and for us. We just feel like we need to go on even though our relationship with our pet just stopped. Sometimes we don’t even see the body after death or it’s left at the vetenarian’s. It’s no wonder that we feel that our companion has been torn from us and we are left alone. When the decision to euthanize is the reason for our pet’s death, guilt or regret or what if’s can be added to our sorrow.

We can create a ritual to honor our pet companions when they pass. It is a truism that our pets don’t live as long as we do. We will experience the passing of our pets at different times of our lives. What ways can we use to help us through the grieving process?

The following are some ideas that can be utilized at any stage in your grieving process:

Cremation is an option that is often used. The cremains can be placed in a special place at home in an urn. Some of the ashes can be scattered in a special place you shared with your pet. Some of the ashes can be incorporated into a locket along with a bit of fur.

The memorial service can include reading of poems, maybe you can write a poem. Members of the family can each share a special memory they have of something funny your pet did, or a special trick or special time. Pet cemeteries can be a place to have a memorial service.

Journaling is a place to hold many special memories. Writing our thoughts down can be tremendously healing. The act of writing releases the emotions we are holding and allows us to see our process in perspective. The journal can include; nicknames for our pet and how they came to be given them, a description of their breed or breed combination including breed qualities and characteristics and fond memories of those cute, silly, mischievous things they did that got us to smile and laugh.

We can gather pictures of our beloved pet and place them in a scrap book, create a website or post them on a web site, like Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement, www.aplb.org . There our memories will exist forever and can be shared with others.

Their special toys, blankets, leashes, collars can be kept in a special place. When we feel sad and lost and we’re missing them a lot we can connect back to our beloved through their things.

Donations of leftover food, medicines to shelters or adoption agencies is another way to remember our pet.

A donation made in our pet’s name is a wonderful way to honor the contribution our pet made to our lives.

Theresa Heyes helps people who have suffered the loss of their beloved pet through their grief to get back their life in new ways. Ways that recognize the gift that was their relationship and how to incorporate that gift into their daily lives.  She is a licensed Marriage Family Therapist with a private practice in Westlake Village, CA. Visit her on the web at www.newway2b.com

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